Add epilepsy to your sex life and your fears and anxieties magnify. These color the degree of satisfaction in sexual relationships even if your sex life is minimal or inactive. Anticonvulsant medications can affect sexual desire and performance. Your physician can review medications and side-effects. The Epilepsy Society of the UK discussed this important topic at www.epilepsysociety.org.uk/living-epilepsy/wellbing/relationships-and-sex#.
A convulsion can be shocking and frightening to your partner who may forever have disturbing memories unless the epilepsy is discussed, and the convulsion’s transient nature is understood. For the one out of every 100 people among us who is affected with epilepsy, sharing knowledge, and understanding the safeguards during the seconds to minutes most convulsions last will be reassuring. Being forewarned about the convulsion-induced cessation of breathing with resultant bluish skin-changes, incontinence, bitten tongue and lip bleeding needs to be explained to new partners. However, these features appear more serious than they actually are.
If a seizure occurs during sexual activity, the partner needs to place you on your side to minimize aspiration. Explain that putting something between your teeth in attempting to prevent tongue-biting will cause unnecessary biting of fingers and/or broken teeth. The jaws clamp immediately as convulsions begin; if the tongue and lip escape that initial clamp they will be spared biting. “Swallowing” the tongue is impossible. Your partner may no longer want to be alone with you even after your discussions or your partner may want to drop out of the relationship.
Epilepsy-related anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and low self-confidence can affect sexual desires and performance. They exacerbate existing epilepsy-induced anxiety, anger, fear and helplessness. It is common to view epilepsy as a personal failing; problems with sex can echo these feelings. Your partner’s fears will stress you both. Therapy exploring your anxieties about your epilepsy with your doctor and/or therapist can relieve this stress. You both will gain knowledge and confidence. Depression can be addressed. Awareness of epilepsy’s dangers, combined with your partner’s emotional support, can go a long way in building a stronger relationship.
Shared activities add to life’s enjoyment and bring couples closer together. For example, bathing with a partner who is aware of your epilepsy can be safe; dining and cooking together will add to intimacy, especially if the patient cooks only on rear burners. This helps to avoid a seizure-induced collapse onto fire and boiling pots. Alcohol can worsen epilepsy; minimizing alcohol can help to avoid seizures.
Mutual supporting activities are so important in gaining confidence, but some people will not want to discuss their epilepsy. It takes courage to expose feelings truthfully, but, when you do other “hidden” aspects of your life may come forward. Discussing them will strengthen your relationship, too.
More than three million Americans have epilepsy. There are a lot of resources available to support them. I encourage everyone to discuss your problems with your health and psychological care providers. In my practice I urged my patient’s partner into the office for the medical appointment. This can only expand their understanding of your epilepsy.
