Whom should I tell? This question is on everyone’s mind that has epilepsy. One can be stressed filling out job and military applications, insurance and driving-license forms. Dating, too, and other relationships, can be complicated by these questions. Fibbing and not disclosing your epilepsy could lead to everyday torture when you are afraid that a seizure could expose your condition. Patients often discussed these critical matters with me in my neurology office and asked for my guidance.
The
Epilepsy Foundation’s website goes into these considerations as noted here:
According to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) and the
Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), when you apply for a job by law a
prospective employer may not ask you if you have a medical condition, including
epilepsy. However, the employer is allowed to ask about your qualifications to
perform the job, such as whether you possess a driver’s license or if you are
capable of operating heavy machinery, etc. If you disclose your epilepsy
diagnosis, the potential employer may inquire whether you would need any
special accommodations (within reason). Be aware that not all accommodations
must be granted and an employer is allowed to ask for more information about
your health when performance problems related to your medical condition appear.
In this situation, the employer is required to keep this information
confidential from co-workers and other managers even if they observe a seizure
in the workplace.
What
about dating and revealing your epilepsy to potential life-partners, relatives
and friends? How much do you reveal? When, especially if your epilepsy is not
evident at the time? You probably have adapted to taking pills, driving
restrictions, and swimming and bathing precautions, but these things may not be
easy for others to accept. Abandonment by friends and lovers may occur. You
probably are very experienced with dropped relationships. You handled them, or
may still be trying to get over them.
Should
you reveal your epilepsy immediately, on a first date? I recommend that you
consider waiting until your second meeting in order to gauge your new
relationship. Beware that when you disclose this information your prospective
partner’s character will be “revealed.” You may already be very experienced
with dropped friendships. Be honest; secrets will undermine relationships.
After all, 70 percent of epilepsy is well or completely controlled and
inherited epilepsy is uncommon; it may even be you who is doing the rejecting
as much as the other person. Consider that you may be surprised by their
reactions upon learning of your condition: they may be unfazed by it. Yes, that
happens. When you find someone accepting your condition—and I encourage you to
believe that most likely you will―you may be on your way to a
solid relationship. It can work out. They could even care and worry about you
more than you do; they will be most supportive.
I
refer you to an excellent article by Gina Shaw titled, “The Dating Game” in Neurology Now; June/July 2015. All of my
epilepsy blog followers should subscribe to Neurology
Now; it is a free official publication of the American Academy of Neurology
that deals with neurological conditions geared to the lay reader.
Lance Fogan, M.D. is Clinical
Professor of Neurology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA. “DINGS” is his first novel. It is a mother’s dramatic story that
teaches epilepsy, now available in eBook, audiobook and soft cover editions.
